"Double Depression"

I saw my new psychiatrist this week, and I really like her. I think this will be a good fit.

She asked me how my current meds were working. I floundered a bit, then said, "I've about come to the conclusion that I need to lower my expectations, that I need to accept that I won't ever be the person I used to be."

She said, "You do realize, don't you, that you have dysthymia as well as major depressive order?" I told her that, about a year ago, I noticed dysthymia as a diagnosis on my chart, but when I looked it up, it seemed to be contradictory to the diagnosis of major depressive disorder (dysthymia is defined as "mild, chronic depression;" I certainly knew that what I suffered with most of my life was NOT mild).

"Not at all contradictory," she stated, and she began to explain the impact of having both disorders. "Essentially," she said, "you have double depression." I was astounded. It explained so much. "So, yes, unfortunately," she continued, "you may need to lower the bar."

I've since researched her explanation, and now, dear reader, I will explain it to you. (Sorry, I just had a brief Brontë moment there).

Dysthymia is a chronic, depressed mood that lasts at least two years. Sometimes referred to as a "veil of sadness," this low, dark mood occurs nearly every day and persists for years. Dysthymia often begins in childhood. Since dysthymia is a chronic disorder, sufferers may experience symptoms for 10 to 20 years before being diagnosed, if diagnosis occurs at all. As a result, they may believe that depression is a part of their character, just who they are.

Symptoms of dysthymia include low self-esteem, a low capacity for pleasure, withdrawal from stressful situations, low energy, overeating, too much or too little sleep, feelings of hopelessness, poor concentration, chronic pain, headaches, and stomach disorders. People with dysthymia usually find little pleasure in regular activities and pastimes.

As time goes by, greater than half of people with dysthymia experience worsening symptoms that lead to the onset of major depressive disorder on top of their chronically depressed mood. This is known as double depression, a serious, potentially life-threatening condition. Double depression is under-recognized and harder to treat than either dysthymia or major depression by themselves.

A small study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders found that the distinguishing symptom of double depression, as opposed to a major depressive episode or dysthymia alone, seems to be hopelessness. People with double depression have given up on ever recovering from their condition and have a bleak outlook on life. It's difficult to motivate them to have treatment, such as medication and therapy. 

Symptoms of double depression are similar to both dysthymia and major depressive disorder but are greater in degree and impact. Extreme fatigue, feelings of guilt, withdrawal from family situations, delusions, and hallucinations are additional symptoms.

The constant stress causes changes in the brain and the body. Those with double depression are at a higher risk for heart disease, diabetes, and other major medical conditions. Double depression can also worsen other chronic diseases, such as rheumatoid arthritis and diabetes.

So. Now I have a much clearer picture of my depression, and hopefully my family will understand a bit better, as well. I'm always letting them down. I commit to things then cancel at the last minute. I get excited about family visits then back out. I've let down my little great-niece, age 7, so many times (including today), in both minor and major situations, that I worry constantly that she'll only remember me as an irresponsible person that was never there for her.

Guilt, worthlessness, fatigue, guilt, lethargy, hopelessness, guilt (did I mention that already?), withdrawal, self-loathing...

The battle rages on, but I'm a weary soldier.

Sources: WebMd, Mayo Clinic, National Institute of Health, Psych Central, Right Diagnoses, Florida State University, Depression Place, Wikipedia, and eHow.

A Woman on the Dollar Bill

Interesting fact:  Martha Washington is the only woman whose portrait has appeared on a United States currency note. It appeared on the face of the $1 Silver Certificates of 1886 and 1891 and on the back of the $1 Silver Certificate of 1896.

The Abortion Debate Changes

 What? The abortion debate changes forever? What is this all about? I can't wait to find out!

Whaaat??

I kid you not. I just got up from the computer, and NOTHING looks familiar. Just how many hours have I been on Pinterest, anyway?

Poem in My Pocket

Ozymandias

by

Percy Bysshe Shelley

I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

National Poem in My Pocket Day, April 26, 2012.

My Youth, Encapsulated

It was shortly before 8:00 a.m. CST on December 9, 1980. I arrived at my college class, taking one of the remaining seats.

The young woman across from me was speaking to her friend, and I heard her say, "I know! No matter what station you turn to, all you hear are Beatles' songs!"

I asked, "Why are all the radio stations playing Beatles' songs?"

She answered, "Haven't you heard?! John Lennon was murdered last night!"

And I said, "Who's John Lennon?"

Marxist America?

In this video titled "Marxism in America," Lt. Gen. (Ret.) W.G. "Jerry" Boykin discusses his background and training in understanding Marxist insurgencies and how current government actions parallel Marxist tactics. The video is annotated with links so that you can verify his information. Find out more about The Oak Initiative at http://www.theoakinitiative.org/

Yesterday's Drama

March 29, 2012

Dear Sheriff _______,

My name is Faith Louise, and I'm a resident at _______ Apartments. This afternoon I witnessed (both heard and saw), through an already open window, a relatively short stand-off involving two Officers of your department against an unidentified man. This occurred in the parking lot.

The longer I watched, the more impressed I was with your Officers. Both had their guns drawn. Although he had been ordered, many times, to put his hands in the air (which is what originally drew me to the window), the unidentified man continued to take small steps in different directions, wave his arms to the sides, move his arms in front of him, and one time, if I remember correctly, he also turned his back on the officers, moving his arms around while staying in the same general location. The Officer in front of him was additionally having to deal with someone off to his right, to whom he kept saying things like, "Get back!" and "Stay out of this!" (This may have been the woman who left in her car a few moments later, forcing your Officer to forward his position a bit). Both Officers remained rock steady. They did not appear to be the least bit disconcerted by the man's continuing movements and his refusal to obey their order. They were alert, authoritative, and extremely patient.

Eventually, the man reached his hands in the air, put his hands on top of his head when told, and cooperated with being handcuffed behind his back. (By now, more Officers had arrived). Watching this, I was additionally impressed that the Officers treated the unidentified man with the utmost civility. Of course, I could no longer hear what was being said, but there was absolutely no roughness. I expected a little bit of roughness when he was turned around and cuffed; I probably wouldn't have been so nice after his continued refusal to cooperate, which surely indicated to the Officers that he very well could be a danger to them.

I'm sure this was routine for your Officers. But it was not routine for me. Since Police Officers so frequently receive bad press about how they treat suspects and about how they conduct themselves, in general, during an encounter, I wanted to let you know that the professionalism I observed in your Officers was exemplary. I have always been thankful that I live in _________ County. I actually felt pride while watching this little drama.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Faith Louise

_______________________________________________________________________

March 30, 2012

Hi Ms. Louise,

All feedback about how we're doing is helpful.  And it's very nice to have such detail about some good work by our deputies.  Thank you so much for taking the time to write.  I'll ensure the involved deputies and their supervisors are appraised of your observations.

Regards

___________________
Sheriff

_________  County

_______________________________________________________________________

(I didn't think to grab my camera until almost the end.)

(There were 5 police cars by the time it was over.)

Telephone Poles

From my childhood:

Q: What's the difference between an orange?

A: Telephone poles, 'cause motorcycles don't have doors!

How I Feel Today

"The Scream"

Edvard Munch, 1893