♫ Craaazy ♫

Today I was asked, "What is the craziest thing you've ever done?" I've done a lot of crazy things in my time, and I hope to do a lot more, but this is what came to mind. I was 21 years old.
 

I decided to go for a walk (I didn't have a car), alone (but during the day), while visiting San Antonio, Texas, in order to have my first alcoholic drink. I stopped at this little "hole-in-the-wall" Mexican restaurant (more like an open-air store front) and ordered a margarita on the rocks (but no food). It was the strongest margarita I've had to this day, and I'm almost 53!

 

Now tipsy, I got lost in the worst part of town without money for a cab or even a bus. And, of course, I hadn't taken a map with me on my walk.

 

Since all the drunks and junkies across the street were watching me with a great deal of interest, I decided I'd better test the pepper spray my dad had recently given me. So I gave it a little squirt right at eye level. Not only did I spray it into the wind, but I walked right into it and totally incapacitated myself. The locals were literally rolling on the sidewalk with raucous laughter and shouting at me in 3 languages.

In all likelihood, my story is entertaining the disenfranchised of San Antonio to this very day. Well, it's nice to be remembered.

My Revolutionary War Ancestors

These are my ancestors (that I've located so far) who have been vetted by the Daughters of the American Revolution to have served in the War for Independence (spellings per DAR):

Minute Man Jesse Street, Connecticut
Private Hieronimus Carnrike, New York
Colonel Thaddeus Cook, Connecticut
Private Joel Hall, Connecticut
Lieutenant Joel Potter, Connecticut
Private John Potter, Connecticut
Patriotic Service - Asahel Hall, Sr., Connecticut - Member of Committee
Patriotic Service - Aaron Harrison, Connecticut - Member of Committee

These ancestors are through the line of my grandfather, Leslie J. Canright, Sr. Based on the evidence I've obtained, most of these men never met. Yet here I am, celebrating the creation of The United States of America. Wherever you are, gentlemen, thank you for your service.

I remember you.

My Youth, Encapsulated

It was shortly before 8:00 a.m. CST on December 9, 1980. I arrived at my college class, taking one of the remaining seats.

The young woman across from me was speaking to her friend, and I heard her say, "I know! No matter what station you turn to, all you hear are Beatles' songs!"

I asked, "Why are all the radio stations playing Beatles' songs?"

She answered, "Haven't you heard?! John Lennon was murdered last night!"

And I said, "Who's John Lennon?"

How I Feel Today

"The Scream"

Edvard Munch, 1893

Erased from History

"I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible..."  ~ Elizabeth Wurtzel

Write Your OWN Story

Weight Controls

Images from http://bravegirlsclub.com/archives/8812

Address in the Stars

Today is the 6th anniversary of my Mother's death. Although I function better these days, my grief over her loss is pervasive and continuous. I know she wasn't perfect. I know that some of her faults were great. Not all my memories are good ones.

But, as I've said before, I discovered after she was gone that she was my reference point. When she died, I lost my identity. It had been just the two of us for nineteen years, and she lived with me the last five. And most of that last five, I was her caregiver.

She's part of me, beyond the fact that she gave birth to me. I miss her every day. I start to call her several times a week. And every day, I'm mired in guilt.

I know she's in Heaven. I know we'll be reunited. If I didn't have that certainty, I wouldn't have gone on without her.

"Address in the Stars"
by Caitlin and Will
 
  I stumbled across your picture today
I could barely breathe
The moment stopped me cold,
Grabbed me like a thief.
I dialed your number, but you wouldn't be there
I knew the whole time, but it's still not fair
I just wanted to hear your voice,
I just needed to hear your voice.

What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everyday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
'Cause there's no address in the stars.

Now I'm drivin'
Through the pitch black dark
I'm screaming at the sky
Oh cause it hurts so bad
Everybody tells me
Oh all I need is time
Then the mornin' rolls in
And it hits me again
And that ain't nothin' but a lie.

What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you every day
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
'Cause there's no address in the stars.

Without you here with me,
I don't know what to do.
I'd give anything
Just to talk to you
Oh it breaks my heart,
Oh it breaks my heart,
All I can do
Is write these letters to you,
But there's no address in the stars.

Dearest Mother, I remember you.

Addendum: Right now, at 1:00 p.m. CST, I'm right back in that hospital room in ICU, holding her hand and sobbing my heart out. Family surrounds me. Mother's already been unconscious for 5 hours due to the morphine drip. Every conversation, every word we shared during the night is cycling through my mind. The last thing I said to her this morning before she fell asleep is, "I won't leave you!" And I guess I never have.

Ricochet!

I had an interesting adventure last night. I got up to go to the restroom, but I was still half asleep and lost my balance just as I got to my feet. I ricocheted through my bedroom, the hallway, and the bathroom, finally landing in the bathtub on top of my shower curtain. I hit my head against the back of the tub and my legs were hanging over the edge. Getting OUT of the bathtub was another adventure and took much longer than getting INTO it!

I Can So TOO Type!

Well. Thanks to my Mother (and author Mabel Nora Crain), I've been typing since I was 8 or 9 years old and at one time could type about 60 words per minute...on a MANUAL typewriter. Then in high school, I switched to electric and in college I peaked at about 115-120 words per minute.

Post-college, I never look at the keyboard and I never give any thought to what my fingers are doing. Yet I just had a mental blank about the keyboard location of the question mark! For about 7 seconds, I was looking everywhere for it. Now I'm frightened!

Published 1960.

(Our copy was hard bound and flipped open at the top.

I think both my older sisters learned to type using this book, too!)

Proof of Life

Article from Real Simple Simply Stated blog.

 

Is Your Clutter Your Proof of Life?

by Erin Doland

One of the reasons mental health professionals and social psychologists believe people struggle with clutter is because humans are always trying to be immortal. This explanation is referred to as terror management theory (TMT), and is certainly one of the reasons I struggle with parting with some of my clutter.

Have you ever thought about keeping an item, like a wedding dress, to give to your daughter one day? (Even though you don’t have a daughter or your daughter isn’t the same size as you are or the current style is nothing like it was in 1975 when you were married or your daughter doesn’t have plans to ever be married?) Are you keeping other mementos, not because you’re enjoying them, but because you want there to be proof of your life? Do you equate your stuff as being an extension of you?

A good question to ask yourself is if the people in your life will actually value the items you’re collecting, or if your things will create a burden for them. Boxes and boxes of mementos in a basement covered with dust will most likely look like trash to others instead of a valued collection. If you truly value something, it should be honored in a way that conveys that respect to others.

Do you keep clutter or extraneous possessions because of a desire to live on through your things? Is simply being aware of TMT helpful for you to keep in mind when sorting through your objects to decide what to keep and what to purge? Or, do you think the whole theory is bogus?

Halloween 1987

The only costume party I've ever attended...it was great fun!

As you can see, I got creative with the glitter make-up.

I was 27 years old.

Pink Glove Dance

To raise awareness of breast cancer, two years ago Medline sponsored Providence St. Vincent's Medical Center in Portland, Oregon, to produce the original Pink Glove Dance. The response was overwhelming, and as of today the video on YouTube has had 13,302,214 views and has generated countless Pink Glove Dance events.

Last year a sequel was done, featuring health facilities from across the United States. The response has been so outstanding that Medline decided to host an online Pink Glove Dance Competition for the United States and Canada.

Approximately 135 organizations entered the contest. The top three winners will receive donations in their name to a breast cancer charity of their choice. The amounts of the donations are $10,000 for 1st place, $5,000 for 2nd place and $2,000 for 3rd place.

Voting began on October 3, and the winners will be announced on October 28.  To view the videos and vote, go to pinkglovedance.com.

Following is the video of the original Pink Glove Dance, as well as the entries of hospitals that have played a part in my life. Please vote!

Original Pink Glove Dance

Providence St. Vincent's Medical Center, Portland, OR

I was hospitalized here in 2007.

This video is not eligible for the Pink Glove Dance Contest.

Stillwater Medical Center, Stillwater, OK

I worked here in 1981 and 1982, in the Dietary Department.

Go here to cast your vote for this video!

Parkland Hospital, Dallas, TX

I received medical services here many times in the early 2000s.

Go here to cast your vote for this video!

Baylor University Medical Center, Dallas, TX

I was born in this hospital in 1960 and was hospitalized here three times.

My mother was hospitalized here many times,

and she passed into Heaven from here in 2006.
The charity they're dancing for is The Bridge Breast Network,
who helped me when I had no money for medical services.

Go here to cast your vote for this video!

Day 30 - Since 1981

"A picture of me with the person I've been closest with the longest."

Me (at 37) and my friend Wu.
We met working in a
hospital dishroom in 1981
and have lived several lifetimes together since.

Day 22 - Shades!

"A picture of me in sunglasses."

Me at 49 years

July 8, 1960

Day 20 - Underground River

"A picture of me swimming."

Underground river in Quintana Roo, Mexico,

deep under the Yucatan peninsula.

Photo taken from above ground

through a cenote that provides access

to the cave system.

Day 18 - Family Portrait

"A picture of my family."

Daddy and Mommy, I remember you.

Day 14 - Isaac

"A picture of someone I could never imagine my life without."

 My grand-nephew/godson!

Day 8 - Costume and Personality

"A picture that makes me laugh."

Me at about 30 years old.
This makes me smile, rather than laugh,
because it captures a facet of my personality
that I seem to have lost along the way.