I hate myself. I hate my depression. I hate myself that I'm not strong enough to rise above the depression.
My niece is having a BBQ today to celebrate a dear family member's newly earned United States citizenship. All my local family is there. I had a chance for a ride yesterday and a chance for a ride this morning. And I couldn't make myself go.
I don't know why. Maybe it was anticipating all the people...there was supposed to be a great turn-out of friends. Maybe it's just because I'm worthless.
I only know that I want to be there so badly. I've either been in bed or crying all day. Or both.
I hate myself.
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